warrior of expression*

2007-05-23T21:53:29Z

So peep game. I'm a Buddhist. *Audience goes, "Yeah, man, we know."*

It's funny. Steph was in the car with The Boys, and the conversation went a little like this:

Them: Where's Nini (they and Ms Apple Bottoms are the only ones who call me this)?
Her: She's at the community center.
Them: Oh, is she working with kids or volunteering or something?
Her: No. The Buddhist community center.
Them: Oh. *pause* And what does she do there?
Her: Well there are meetings and she chants.
Them: Like Tina Turner?
Her: Yeah.
Them: That's cool. I imagine that makes her feel peaceful and relaxed.
Her: It does.

And it really does. It's tripped out though, because when I became interested in Buddhism, I was never interested in the SGI/Nichiren Buddhism, or what I thought of as "Tina Turner" Buddhism (see What's Love Got to Do With It?). I thought it was cooler to be a Zen Buddhist. That's what seemed trendy, and that's all I knew about, frankly. But it didn't resonate with me.

I read about Buddhism over the years (I first got interested when I was in college). Fast forward several years and Steph tells me her co-worker is a Buddhist and knows that I'm interested in Buddhism. Some lunch meetings later, I'm going to the Buddhist community center, apprehensive and very skeptical. The people looked too happy. It all seemed so suspect. I was there when I heard a large group of people chanting together for the first time.

I was floored. I'm not gonna say I knew for sure right then that was the path for me, but something in me was affected. I started going to meetings, sort of into it and sort of afraid to dive right in. Because I'm research girl, I started researching this school of Buddhism and its lay organization, the SGI. Heard great things. Heard some not so great things, some allusions to it being a little cult-like. It didn't seem like one to me, nobody was trying to force me to drink any kool-aid. In fact, these were some of the coolest folks I had ever met.

So anyway, fast forward. Now I'm officially a member of the SGI, I have an altar at home, and I realize (particularly after a conversation that I had today) that I still have this idea in my head that "Yeah, this is working out for me, but I'm afraid to really talk about it, because what if it's too weird?"

Take my mom for instance. She knows I practice, she asks me general questions about my practice, but I've never practiced when I'm at home or when she comes to visit me. I think I'm waiting for her to look at me like I'm crazy.

I'm just thinking how that undercurrent of disbelief and doubt can really jack up your faith, man. And that's the kicker. I never thought I would be a person of faith, whatever that means. I'm this progressive, liberal woman, and "person of faith" feels like it belongs with someone who aligns with the right or something. It's crazy what spirituality shows you about yourself.

It wasn't until I started practicing that I began to understand what I really believe on a whole new level. And maybe that's what spiritual practice/belief is supposed to do for you.

OK...so I'm gonna work on this. I found something that works for me.

Period.

*a nod of the head to Stacey B. Stacey

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bell hooks and Buddhist practice

2006-07-11T22:23:43Z

No, I am not referring to her article in the July 2006 issue of the Shambhala Sun. (I have that issue, just haven't gotten around to reading it yet.)

I am reading hooks' "Remembered Rapture: The Writer at Work," and I am struck by how much I love bell hooks' writing. She talks about things that I think NEED to be talked about: the rapture of writing, the need for black women to find and use their literary voices. The fact that no black woman can write too much. I have always thought that her belief that racism, sexism, and classism are all linked and cannot be separated was right on. In other words, when I started reading bell hooks nearly 10 years ago, it was wonderful to read her because she articulated things that I didn't even have words for yet.

She still does that, particularly in "Remembered Rapture," particularly as I begin writing again, and really thinking about the craft of writing.

But bell needs to recognize that she is not the most accessible writer on the block. I don't mean that there are problems with comprehension. To the contrary, she does wonderful things with words that really illuminate the intention behind what she's trying to communicate.

But as I like to say, "Who's reading bell hooks in the hood?" I'm not saying that folks in the hood can't understand what she's saying or won't be able to connect to the material. I'm saying that they just don't know she's there. I sure as hell didn't...until I got to college. Now do I think that folks in the hood (and everywhere else) should be reading bell? Yep. Is she on their radar? Nope. Which is fine. My bone to pick with bell is that she doesn't own up to the fact that she is more academic than salt-of-the-earth. She, unlike a lot of academics, is unafraid of using the first person to talk about things, but still, the fact that she has some letters behind her name, and that she has/is a professor, is all over her writing. Cool. Just accept that and stop acting like you are giving away copies of "Sisters of the Yam" on the corner out the back seat of your hatchback.

Anyway...from bell hooks to Buddhist practice. Writing to Buddhist practice. I'm sure now they call it "practice" for a reason. I was going strong, and then I had all these questions...and honestly, my somewhat subconscious disdain for and distrust of organized religion in any form reared its ugly head. And I just stopped. So now I'm back on and I realize that I'm no different from anybody else who pursues something. You fall off sometimes. But you practice, practice, practice and just get back on.

Writing and Buddhist practice have that in common. Both, at this point, are pretty important to me. Sometimes - oftentimes, actually - I don't even like the stuff I'm writing. I'm very critical. And I want to be one of those people that writes SOMETHING everyday. Maybe one day soon, I will be one of those people. But for right now, I'm not. I go away from writing sometimes, just like sometimes I am not very diligent about my Buddhist practice. I try not to get into that whole beating yourself up thing. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much.

But I just try to get back on.

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how i do

warrior of expression*

bell hooks and Buddhist practice